We all have struggles in our life. Some are big and dark. And change the trajectory of our life. Some give us major life lessons for us to grow, learn and be better human beings. I have had mine too. I want to share one of those with all of you today.
The Dark Night
If you do not know my story yet, I went through 3 years of depression, pain and grief while we were trying to conceive. We were in the US at that time, away from the family and it made it even more difficult. Our reports were normal. They labelled us as ‘unexplained infertility’. Our marriage, our relationship became just another label for a while.
Three years of the monthly red stains.
Three years of paramount anxiety.
Three years of unbearable pain and tears.
I would cry for days at a stretch feeling the void of childlessness in my life. I focused only on one single yearning – having a baby.
The last 6 months of these 3 years were the most excruciatingly painful. I was in deep depression. They say, “It is the darkest before the dawn“. I had reached that darkest moment before I rose to the light.
My real spirituality started from there. Just after my awakening. Not the ‘read God books and prayers in the morning’ kind of spirituality. Rather this definition – Spirituality is the most pure form of leading a life of high vibe energy, love, joy and infinite wisdom of a higher power.
It was then that I decided to break free myself from the constant yearning of having a baby. Of knowing I am letting go of my precious life moments right now in my quest for a baby. Of taking the reigns of my life into my own powerful hands. I experienced the call of the mighty awakening and I decided to answer. The day I let go of my longing for a baby was the day when I set myself free in the true sense.
I took my doctor’s label of “infertile” and transformed it into my own one. I will never truly be infertile because now, I am “spirit fertile.”
To commemorate this life transforming moment in my life, I got a tattoo done. I know many of you will be raising your eyebrows and asking yourself, “She had an awakening, then why a tattoo to celebrate this? Why not something more spiritually aligned?”
Well, I have asked this question to myself too. In that moment, a tattoo meant freedom to me. I have had been wanting to have a tattoo since a while. Freedom of not waiting to take a pregnancy test to see if I am pregnant. That it is safe to get a tattoo because I am not trying to conceive anymore. Freedom from tracking my ovulation, the pregnancy kits and planning our trips around my menstrual cycle.
Freedom. True freedom.
August 2016 is when I had my awakening and December 2016 is when I got myself tattooed. A gratitude tree tattoo reminding me to be thankful always of my blessings in my life.
My life has never been the same since that decision.
I became a light worker because of this life lesson. And as I was busy helping women to lead their dream lives, being in their true potential and power…….just like that we saw the two pink lines on our pregnancy kit in June 2018. With no external help or indulgence.
God has miraculous ways to answer your prayers! <3
Today, if you are reading this….I want you to take that step towards your light. Saying yes to your freedom. Knowing this is just a phase. Believing and trusting in your infinite power to stand up again. Asking help if you need to stand up. Being you. Stepping in the infinite possibilities life has to offer you. Working on the richness of the soul and life. Learning the lesson and rising above the ashes.
If the girl with the tattoo can break free from her own cage, you can do it too!